AHH It’s been a whole seven days since my last post…CRZY!

Yeah, so it’s been a pretty crazy week for me. Ok, Exciting Saturday, depressing Sunday, terrifyingly scray  Monday, confused and sick Tuesday, resolved Wednesday, failing twice Thursday, saving Friday.

Let me explain.

Every day of my life ~so far~ pales in comparison to that day because I, Missmurder83, Kittie, yes me, went to go see Evanescence, Julien-K, and the SICK PUPPIES in concert. I went for the Sick Puppies, but Ev rocks live, and Julien-K, well they were just sexy. Really, they were sexy. Only word to describe them. JK was up first, then the Sick Puppies, who in fact, actually involved the audience. It was psyching. Bubbly-making even. I screamed so loud and Jumped and sang along…AWESOME.

They were the only band promoting autographs and such, which I got one on my ticket, and I have a heart from Mark, the Drummer.

Here’s a cpouple of pictures I took with them/ ~OMFG I TOUCHED BOTH SHMON AND EMMA!!!! I WAS FREAKING OUT THEY ARE BOT REALLY NICE!!!~

~Me, Shimon, Singer, Mark, Drummer, Emma, awesome Bassist~

Alissa, Bri, Shimon, Mark, Emma, Amanda, Me

BEST NIGHT EVER.

Ok, Sunday was depressing ’cause I found out Casey Calvert, guitarist for Hawthorne heights, and my total Idol died ~they think from asthma~ on Saturday morning or Fri. Night or somrthing like that.

Monday was, in fact terrifying. No joke. It was actually qualified as worse than my pathetic fear of clowns. I get scared of drawings of them. Monday was not a good day, duh, ’cause terrified-ness is not usually a good emotion. ‘Cause, long story short, Cameron broke up with me. And he has terrible timing ’cause I was still depressed for Casey, so I was ranting about that, all in tears and out it, and was telling him “WTF ever, you don’t care. Why are you even still on the phone with me?” And stuff like that and I was suicidal and it really pissed me off ’cause I knew he was on the phone ’cause he really did care, but ~at the time~ I knew that he cared, but obviously not how I cared for him and he was all “Don’t kill yourself.” And I didn’t. As if you couldn’t tell.

Also he said he did it because he was still in love with some girl ~his “Dream girl” who is prefect in every way for him~ or whatever and I was all “It’s not even me” So I assumed he lied to me the whole time ’cause what else could I think and he didn’t deny it. 

Tuesday, though, resolved everything. Again, vey long story short, I decided if I couldn’t have him, the girl he loved might as well, so I was all “If you tell me I could help, ’cause you said I definitely knew her.” Turns out it was me. So I stuttered for forty seconds like “How- can it be me? You-..You broke…WHAT?” And he told me he did it cause he really didn’t want to gurt me again or something. But I reassured him and on…

Wednesday we got back together again, but we never really acted like anything else, so he had stayed home that day, and was walking two miles home in 28 degree weather, so I made mom give him a ride home ’cause…no.

“Mom, lock the door, he can’t figure it out!” So I forced him to get a ride, basically. I was just like….no. 28 degrees. No.

Thursady, I was failing two classes….

Friday I’m saving Amanda’s life I guess… I’m making her something. Teacher got slimed. Fun, fun, boring day.

In Memory of Casey:

I’m never eating at KFC again for you, man. We loved you. We’ll miss you. How will we get along without you? Without your angsty screamo? Love,

HH fans everywhere, but mostly from Me seeing as I wrote this.

…Oh, yeah, and you’re a sexy man beast….

Quick Little Update for Everyone

Happy Thanksgiving, Gobble Gobble, sorry for the late gretting but I had family over and got a whole 10 minutes on the comp. and and only like 2 hours with Cameron, so here I am giving you your holiday greetings right now.

Yeah, so here’s some pics from my wonderous Thanksgiving.

Here’s The Orange One ~take a guess which one that is~ And Ricky-D playing Guitar Hero III at the Library on Wednesday…

Dane, Aunt Teri, Uncle Albert, oh and their Dog C.J.

Dane, Me, Bri, Lissa

Here’s my Dad taking a break from cooking to tell us about the Casey nose. I’ll try to get the video on here sometime, it was really funny.

Yeah, so we went to the library and Katherine was there, with her bf Alan the psyco maniac and She totally told off Cameron. I forgave her, obviously ’cause A] Shes my best friend, and B] shes had that speech rehearsed for months and what use would it be to not say it?

But, I got totally ripped off because of it. See, Cameron promised me he’d tell me whatever question has been plaguing him for the better part of the week and because Kate said that, he was all “nope.” Or she did something and he used that communist saying “one bad apple ruins the barrel” which is like saying if one kid out of them is stupid and gets an F on a test, but everyone else As, then all of them have to be punished because of it. He kinda pissed me off a little, but I listend to my dark and depressing CDS and felt better.

So today he told me that I had to go to the library tomorrow ’cause he has something to give me apparently, so now I’m all “WTF, MATE?” in my head ’cause he’s very confusing. REally, kinda agrivating too, ’cause I can and do figure out people when I want to. Like amanda, I understand her well enough, but him its like “UGH.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love him but seriously, he is so split personality wise. When he’s talking to me on the phone or only to me, he’s really rather insecure, adorably so, and kind of quiet, but when there are people around, like seriously anyone, Amanda, adults, guys, girls, babies, weasles, anyone he’s really loud and show-offy, braggy, guy-ish. totally forgiveable stuff, but it’s frigging insane sometimes.

So, anyway, Dane and us went to a movie Thursday, Fred Clause, it’s not as funny as we thought it would be, but it was good. I really wish we had seen August Ruch, it looks so awesome.

Lets see, I got a P@TD shirt today from Hottopic, new necklace, Evanescence is tomorrow, i’ll take plenty of pics for those of you unfortunate enough to miss it, got Madina Lake ~From Them, Through Us, To You~ from the library and the old Pramore CD.

Oh, yeah and our new miracle cat, Shadow has returned home after a month. We think she has two homes ’cause she’s fatter almost.

Thanksgiving miracle cat.

A few pictures from my wonderful Funderful life.

My BFF Amanda at the Metro for book club.

Cameron’s head at the library, on the computer watching DDR videos on Yuotube ’cause he’s a power nerd. But he’s my power nerd so back off.

My family and I at Wind River Canyon…Amanda took the picture. Shock shock. ~L-R Me, Alissa, Dad, Mom, Brianna.

Insecurities and Uncertainties…

Wow. This is all really crazy right now for me.

Like everything. School I’m practically flunking, my Aunt Terri and Uncle Albert are coming Wednesday, but aren’t bringing my fav little cousin Dane, I’ve been cleaning pretty much non-stop for the last month, my room is clean, Cameron has deemed himself as my “experiment” ~don’t worry it’s apparently a good thing~, oh yeah and Cameron told me he loved me.

He’s that conversation thingy.

————————-

Cam: I don’t honestly think you’ll ever love me as much as I love you-

Cat: Why not?

Cam: ‘Cause

Cat” ’cause why? Thats no answer.

Cam: It’s a temporary solution. Not an answer.

Cat: Tell me!

Cam: It’ll make more sense if I tell you when I hang up.

Cat: Promise?

Cam: Yes, I proise.

Cat: Ok.

~Sometime later~

Cam: Ok, I gotta go get some sleep.

Cat: You gunna tell me first?

Cam: Damn I thought you’d forgotten.

Cat: Have I ever forgotten somthing?

Cam: No.

Cat: Tell me.

Cam: Ok, well you know what couples usually say when they hang up?

Cat: Yeah, Amanda says it to her bf all the time on the phone.

Cam: Really? This is our Amanda right?

Cat: You, Amanda Show General Lee Campell soup Amanda.

Cam: Wow…I’m gunna call her Campbell soup from now on.

Cat: You do that.

Cam: Anyway, so you know what I’m talking about?

Cat: Yes.

Cam:…You just want me to say it, huh?

Cat: Yes.

Cam: Are you smiling?

Cat: Maybe. Ugh, how can you always tell.

Cam: Your voice gets higher…So are you not amiling now?

Cat: Not smiling.

Cam: Really?

Cat: Yes really.

Cam: Ok, I haven’t said this since I was like five, not even to my parents. I really do actually love you.

Cat:…I love you to….Bye.

Cam: Bye.

————————

Ugh, I kinda hate myself right now. I prolly should too, ’cause I love him ,yeah, but it’s hard to tell if I love him like he does me, ’cause…I dunno I don’t want him to say this and it ends up he’s lying to himself or he was wrong…It really kinda sucks. Oh, and I’d really like to stop lying to myself sometime in the next few years. That’d be nice.

Weird. I’m questioning myself about love of all things. I could be pondering the meaning of life or working on EC to make up for the Science test I just failed, but I’d rather be talking about my boyfriend.

My adorablely insecure, blonde haired, blue eyed, DDR and FFR playing, sexy man-beast boyfriend. 

*Huge, giant, wanna bury myself in a hole sigh*

Damn you cupid. Go change your damn diaper, fate knows how long you’ve been wearing that damned thing.

Under Pressure

I’ve been thinking ~big shock there, eh?~ about myself ’cause I’m introspective and such, and I just kind of figured out I tend to crack under pressure. A lot.

Like every time I’ve ever cried is ’cause I coldn’t deal with the pressure. Maybe that’s why I’m so screwed up today. I mean I’ve been sad, but because I was cracking under pressure.

Crazy.

Really, like this year everybody is putting all this pressure on us ninth graders ’cause this is the year that counts and all that bloody stupid shit no one really wants to hear. Seriously has no one noticed how fucking pressurizing that buliding is when you have thirty people breathing down your neck to do well?

It’s actually rather like a pressure cooker.

And it sucks.

Believe it or no, I’m not easily motivated. I’m not lazy, but really what’s the point of working hard in school when I already have and understanding nearly equal to that of people like Ghandi. I’m pretty much too in-sync with the bloody universe to care much about such a petty thing as school.

If I could, I’d never work a day in an office of any kind. I’d rather make my way through life living off the land and selling stuff at crafts fairs.

I don’t know why anyone would expect someone like me to be able to concentrate in school. I’m too busy analyzing things and how people work, what your mind is trying to tell you, but you can’t decipher, stuff like that.

I’d rather sit outside and stare at a tree than learn about that tree.

Really, I never really get angry. I kinda accept my fate, and most people seem to get that.

Yeah, yeah. I know I was not like this two years ago or even two weeks ago, two hours ago. You know why? 

 THINGS HAPPEN.

Everything that happens to you changes you. EVER-Y-THING.

‘Cause everything leads to something. If you leave a comment, it could change the entire course of a day for either of us.

Now don’t start thinking that just ’cause I’ve completely accepted my fate, that I don’t have emotions. Who dosen’t? It’s human. It’s pretty much fate.

So yeah, I’ll crack under pressure, I’ll cry, I’ll laugh, I’ll get angry, I’ll want to kill someone, I’ll feel uplifted.

I’ll just accept that its happening.

….Haha, Changed you life!!….

WARNING: Actual goings on in Teenagers minds~~

WARNING: Actual thoughts going on in the minds of of Fangirls, teenage guys, teenage girls, Fag-Hags, and just in general some kinky teens. I’m not kidding. If you don’t think you want to know this about me or my friends, don’t read it.

This means you, Alex.

Ok, now that I’ve given the warning, I’d like to say I only put it there ’cause I hate leaving thigs out. If I’m gunna blog, i’m gunna do it right, goddamiot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~WARNING LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

Ok, seeing as I haven’t posted in a few days, I’ll fill you in on whatever I mat or may not have said in the past few posts.

It all started this weekend, when Amanda and I were on the phone with her boyfriend, Tyler, and somehow we started talking about his ~I’ll be somewhat “politically correct” or wtf/e here~ “fantasies”.  And then we were talking about Amanda’s locker-room conversation about all her friend’s’s and then Amanda’s spider fettish. Here are her plans for Tyler. Seriously she wrote them down.

1: Kiss him senseless.

2: Tie him to bed.

3: Straddle him.

4: Release trantulas.

5: I won’t go into this one, come to think of it.

And then we got on my whole “chain” thing. And I promise you I will not go into detail here, nor have I any time else. ‘Cause…well… just no.

Fast forward to like….Tuesday. So I stupidly Tell Cameron about Amanda’s plan to get him ~ME~ handcuffs that are pink and fuzzy, and ~obviously~ being the guy he is, ’cause apparently it’s a guy thing, so he asks why. Like WHY I wanted them.

So I refuse to tell him. For two days. ~do yuo guys get my drift yet?~

And then yesterday,  he FINALLY figures it out. And I swear this is what he says word-for-word:

“Is it, like, you banging my brains out?”

I swear, my jaw dropped. But I said, “Yeah, pretty much anyway.”

So we were talking about that and I so inadvertantly discoverd this.

—————

Cat: Holy shit, you think about it that much? Since when??

Cam: Er…

Cat: Tell me!

Cam: Like scine a long time ago?

Cat: Like a long time ago as in before you cheated on me-

Cam: No, way longer than that, like the first time I SAW you.

Cat: Wow, that is a long time.

Cam: I actually thought about it when I was cheating on you too.

Cat: er—

Cam: Yeah, it was kind of an accident I did it in the first place…Like I thought we broke up ’cause we never talked ever, but then Ricardo  told me you still thought we were and I was all “Oh, shit.” And I knew I screwed up.

Cat: Huh.

—————————–

Yeah. Interesting stuff, interesting stuff.

And the end yo my somewhat weird post. Enough insite for today, I have a concert to attend.

Interesting Weekend…

What an interesting weekend.

Ok, first Jared Leto is man-pretty.

I mean, just look at him. He’s got guy-liner.He’s man-pretty and you know it. Ok, htere are many reasons why this weekend was interesting other than that though. I met my best-friend’s boyfriend, who is not man pretty or hot, ~unlike Cameron~ lol, jkjk, and he’s ok, he’s short and blond and listens to somewhat good music, I had a deep, introspective conversation with amanda while on the phone with said friend’s bf,  about fate and all that jazz ~Go jazz~. But, the most interesting thing that happend ~still on the phone with said bf~ was a caffine-induced-confession, which I think would be a cool band name. It was odd we started talking about things involving spiders, rain, handcuffs, chains, whips, chocolate sauce, and dog collars.

Long story short, Amanda will never look at me the same way again. ’Cause…5 out of…seven of those were my topics.

I swear if you are surprised…you probably should be ’cause pretty much no one knows that….odd.

And then today we were sleeping, and then went driving, and I was on the interstate, then we called Cameron, who didn’t answer, then Ricky-D, who did answer, then Cameron again and we were talking about our caffine induced confessions and he STILL won’t believe me. Grr with a scottish accent. So as some kind of proof,…well you know those chain-like metal dog collars? Guess what he’s getting for X-mas.

And now, boycotting KFC with Casey Calvert & Peta!!!

Today’s Song- Get Me Outta Here-Jet

Get Me Outta Here

I went down to the bank just to get me my pay
I’m gonna get me, outta here
I got me some cash I’m headed back to LA
I’m gonna get me, outta here

I’m sackin’ the man, cause the man’s a thief
I’m kicking the plan before the plan kicks me
I’m gonna get me get me outta here
I’m gonna get me get me outta here

I went down to the Duke, ten times a day
I’m gonna get me outta here
drink all night, talkin’ shit all day
I’m gonna get me outta here

I’m sackin’ the man, cause the man’s a thief
I’m kicking the plan before the plan kicks me
I’m gonna get me get me outta here
I’m gonna get me get me outta here

I dont mind how I live my life without the lucky guys
I ain’t trying to keep in time so just get offa my back
you won’t hang your rusty sign on me

I went down to the bank just to get me my pay
Get me outta here
I’m gonna get me, get me outta here, Yeah!
I’m gonna get me, get me outta here
I’m gonna get me, get me outta here

Love in Life.

A lot of things happen in a day.

A lot. I was happy, sad, tired, worried, fearing, calmed, surprised, pissed off, rushed, sympathetic,worried, unstoppable, and wishing in eight hours. Or nine.

Things just kind of happen to me it seems. Like no one really thinks like I do. Which I know is true. I’m just different. I don’t intentinally try to be so…different. I just sort of am. I really do honestly have a religion, and I’m very religious. But I’m not”Christian-y God” religious. I believe in fate. And fate’s either a girl or a man, whichever or whatever figure you need in your life, she is.

And I trust fate that everything will be ok and that every little thing means something or teaches something you’ll want to know later in life.

It’s pretty much why I’m calm now.

I was freaking out earlier ’cause the night before fate had been punishing me for something, probably my studies, and I knew it, so she seemed to be screwing with my mind, but I just needed to trust more in her.

And I figured that out earlier today that that was true, and I did. I thought I was getting a detention, and this sense of calm just kind of came ’cause I knew if I did, something good would happen during or after.

It all pays off. Or it should.

My point is, I don’t have a “real” religion. To me it’s as real as the keys beneath my fringertips, but people would scoff em and be all “You’re going to hell because you donn’t listen to our religion.”

WTF EVER.

And all this stuff that happened ~bc of fate~ I started to ponder love.

There are all these kinds of love I harbour.

I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love my friends, I love Amanda like my lost twin, I love my pets, I love my Zune, I love my many obsessions, I love the internet, I love music, I love the small things, I love life.

I know, I know.

What self-respecting emo-kid would say they love life? But I do, so fuck off.

There are so many things I love, and so many I could live without. But the first four…man. Without them how would I go on?

That’s why it so kils me when they are hurt.

Amanda came over to my house today close to tears, and later in tears.

Her mother is being kind of a bitch, yelling at her and kind of treating her as a slave or whatever. And they are both in pain, but Amanda’s mom I can understand her strees, her well of emotion.

She has three kids to feed, she’s got serious depression, her husband’s an ass ~in my personal opinion, right git he is~, and she has trouble making ends meet. In theory, thayt’s whats wrong.

And Amanda is the eldest child and she’s just there to be yelled at.

It’ really rather obvious to me. And Amanda has all this stress from her family and I’m her lifeline, and she has this crazy love-life.

It’d rather awful.

So here I am, the angel ~I’m a fucking angel.~guiding her way and saving her and stuff under the order of Fate. So I’m determined and unstopppable in helping out their family. I’m giving them  canned food and stuff.

Everything’s rather crazy right now. All very out-of-proportion.

Oh well, I’ll figure it out eventually I suppose.

Hecticosity, and some stuff from a band nerd.

That’s a wprd that dosen’t exists, I’m preetty sure. Hectiosiy-Noun. The hecticosity is evident in Clinic.

Yes, it’s pretty hectic sometimes with clinic, like we’re in this hurry. Which we are, but it SOUNDS SO WICKED.

Seriously like 150 kids playing Inot the storm and Russian…*shivers* Russian is…haunting. I really want a CD recording or something just so I can have Russian Christmas Music. I’ts so haunting and creepy and powerful. And challenging. It’s got all thses really high, impossible notes. AND I CAN PLAY IT.

The chick who sits next to me is WAY too good. She’s first chair, I’m second. She has a pro horn ~bass~ and everything. She’s kind of stuck up though. A little. like this:

“Can you not tap your foot so loud? It’s shaking the stage.”

Like that. It’s the NC stager, it’s hollow, EVERYTHING SHAKES IT. EV-ER-Y-THING.

So I’m psyched for the concert tonight, I get to see Ciara and Guy, both in chior, and i get to totally kill my lips playing all those high notes.

Man, band is close to my heart.

I lurve it like I do my boyfriend. Well…….not exactly….

 That would be like having a relationship with your car.

————————————–

Cat: WTF???

Cam: Huh?

Cat: Ok, there’s this car comercial and it’s all “When you turn your car on, does it repay the favor.”

Cam: WTF? That would be weird. How would that work out? I mean th-

Cat: Well, I suppose if it was a stick-shift a chick could-

Cam:Don’t even go there.

Cat: Wasn’t gunna, really. But you know if you-

Cam: !!!

Cat: Jk,jk. I told you I haad a sicker mind than you.

Cam: Says you.

Cat: Sxity eight….

Cam: Not again. ~reffering to the conversation we had about what I wouldn’t do if he asked.

Cat: Ohhh…seventy. That’s a good one…

———————————————-

I do have a sicker mind than him. He just won’t admit it. ‘Cause I read some….interesting things.

Lol. No I’m not JK.